TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE – PART OF MY RECOVERY

I first heard To Thine Own Self Be True in 1988 when I was getting sober. It’s on the 12-step chips we pick up for milestones in sobriety.

I learned that I should be true to myself. And I was – at least to the degree that I understood what that really meant. I started with fundamentals: prayer, meetings, the 12 steps, discipline with three meals a day, and daily exercise.

Fast forward…

I made a terrible-for-me choice (even when a little voice inside was screaming at me to walk away). I put myself in a situation in which I was gaslighted and betrayed. I was nine years sober and in recovery.

I experienced gut-wrenching pain and devastating consequences. If I had told you my side of the story back then, you would have agreed that I was justified in my grief and rage. I was good at telling the dramatic story of betrayal and – from my highly charged perspective back then – it wasn’t my fault. I took to slamming cabinets and doors, screaming and crying a lot. (Victim mentality wrapped in dramatic reactivity — keep reading!)

Even though I was sober and in recovery (and doing the best I could), I hadn’t yet healed my family of origin issues. I wasn’t free from the underlying wounds and hot buttons that triggered big reactions in me. I felt remorse and regret and doused them with shame. Telling that story repeatedly to compassionate friends who were “on my side” helped me work through some things, but didn’t relieve my anger.

I just wanted the pain, rage, and reactivity to stop. I wanted to control my life and defend myself against all things painful.

Worn down, worried about my future, and fueled by fear and defensive thoughts, I made the decision to “take care of myself” in that “I don’t need anyone or anything” kind of way. I sold some things that had been important to me, bought a little house, paid my way through graduate school, and became fiercely determined to never get hurt again.

My 12-step recovery was the fundamental basis for my life and healing.

As I did the recovery and clinical work, I began to heal… I also poured myself more into meaningful work and grew my career. I got my master’s in social work and became licensed. I learned a lot about myself. I softened, worked through leadership and management behaviors, and redirected my anger into diving deep to work on my family of origin issues and core beliefs. I eventually internalized why I found and chose the situation. I forgave and forgave. Deep work. I chose my choices and gave up the victim mentality – this is where freedom happened!

By healing, I reclaimed my passion for helping people. I enjoyed helping one on one, and I also loved the ripple effect of bringing health to systems and people in the context of families, workplaces, addiction treatment centers, and clinicians, and mental and behavioral healthcare institutions.

Showing up for myself, owning my past and all my choices, being true to myself and my recovery, and healing deep wounds – this is all part of my amazing journey and my story. I just kept piecing my life together and learned To Thine Own Self Be True on this much deeper level. It is a dedicated daily practice of self-love, self-care, and self-respect. And that means showing up!

Today, I am thriving beyond my wildest dreams. Being true to myself gives me the opportunity to be the best Laura I can be and to serve others in a way that does not drain me or put others’ needs ahead of my own.

If you want to learn to be true to yourself and show up differently in any area of your life, book a planning session and let’s talk.

Be Bold.