RESOLVE LIMITING BELIEFS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE

FROM THE TIME I COULD REMEMBER, BEING JUST ME WASN’T ENOUGH.

As I pondered being on the planning committee of my recent (and very fun) high school reunion – I felt a wave of gratitude for how comfortable I am in my own skin, how easily I step aside for others to take charge, and how effortlessly I visit and connect deeply with friends. I wasn’t always this way.

I was driven by limiting beliefs that – early in life – gave birth to my negative self-image and voice to my mean inner critic, significantly affected my behavior and choices, and were at the root of my feeling less than and not fitting in (anywhere).

I developed and internalized most of my destructive limiting beliefs and negative thoughts in childhood. Let’s look at this complex package of doozies:

BEING JUST ME ISN’T ENOUGH.

THERE IS NO FREE LUNCH.

MY JOB IS TO DO FOR AND PLEASE OTHERS.

I MUST BE USEFUL.

I went on to make unhealthy choices and poor decisions having internalized these thoughts behind the beliefs:

• I’m not sure who I am anyway, so I’ll do and be how and who they need me to be. My purpose (or unpaid job) will be to please and do for others. I have no needs or wants (or even know what they are or that a girl has or deserves to have needs and wants).
• Others will always want something from me in return for whatever they do for or give me. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. They’ll be after my money, my body, and what I can do for them.
  1. On one hand, I should do what they want.
  2. On the other, I don’t dare hire anyone to help me and I never let anyone – including them – have my money.

DID YOU GROW UP IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY AND ABSORB UGLY LIES ABOUT YOURSELF?

I figured out that I could better manage my anxiousness when I had something to do (a specific role or job), bring or contribute. My inner subtext was to never show up empty-handed, only show up if I might feel like I fit in (fingers crossed), and never sit around doing nothing. To feel a sense of control and manage my fear and discomfort, I made myself useful and pleased others wherever I went.

I’d been afraid to bond with people who might identify me as an imposter – a person without original thoughts or beliefs, hobbies, fun ideas, or interesting things to say.

THE IRONY was that I knew very young that I was emotionally and thoughtfully deep – intuitive beyond most. I had a sense that God had a plan for me. He put me in places to bond deeply and share a part of me with other wise souls: Phyllis, Melissa, Nicia, and Laney from Camp; Florence and Katharine from our neighborhood; my Tia and Mays from forever.

These angels on earth offered me resilience for absolutely nothing in return. They laid down bridges and carried me from one place to the next, one wise soul to another.

I dedicated time and resources to healing my pink and fluffy young self who believed that she existed for the benefit of others. Until I faced that and many other lies and worked through my family of origin issues – I didn’t feel safe to connect on a personal level, so I took on an acceptable and quite likable persona in which I was productive, useful to others, and successful.

WHEN AN UNIDENTIFIED LIMITING BELIEF IS RUNNING YOUR LIFE INTO THE GROUND – YOUR OPERATING SYSTEM HAS A VIRUS.

Adult behavior like volunteering or serving on a committee is often lauded. But it may also be causing your tipping point. Stop doing so you can start feeling your body. Slow down so you can identify the choices you’ve been blindly making.

A FLURRY OF ACTIVITY CAN BE A FUN, SEDUCTIVE DISTRACTION… AND THEN DROP YOU INTO ASLEEP-AT-THE-WHEEL DECISION-MAKING GROUNDED IN SELF-LOATHING AND SCARCITY.

These are the decisions often stemming from old limiting beliefs. “If I don’t say yes, no one will like me.” “If I don’t buy my daughter the same brand her best friend has, she’ll get teased. It’ll be my fault!” “If I miss the soccer game, my kid will hate me and never forgive me.”

I thought I had to give myself away to feel loved and accepted. If you’re being a good girl who’s keeping others happy and comfortable at your expense – I give you permission to quit. Recognize what’s pushing you down the wrong path. Heal what’s blocking you so you can join the path to your dream life!

IT’S HIGH TIME YOU DEDICATE YOUR TIME AND RESOURCES TO YOURSELF.

I hired a certified life coach several years ago to help me roto-rooter some buried beliefs that were still infiltrating my life – affecting my choices and behaviors. My coach helped me shake my fears around being vulnerable which lit up the path to my North Star!

ONLY THEN COULD I FULLY RELEASE MY NEED TO CONTROL AND STOP TAKING CHARGE BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER GATHERINGS.

True story: Eight years ago, an old friend approached me at a moment I was NOT being useful at a gathering. “Hey, Laura! What’re you up to besides working for the [psychiatric hospital]?” I had nothing clever to say. I hadn’t done anything, been anywhere, or made any upcoming plans for fun. I was as exciting as a stump. I drifted off to clear more dishes and refill drinks and assured myself that I was a boring loser.

THIS WAS MY WAKE-UP CALL. A COLD BUCKET OF WATER IN MY FACE!

Don’t get me wrong – I had a good life, did good and meaningful things, and contributed in many ways. I enjoyed serving others. But I needed that gentle push. I’m not a loser!

Through Wayfinder life coaching, I found my zest for life! I resolved to limiting beliefs that had been silently pulling me down the wrong path. Connecting with others and socializing is medicine. Laughter has super healing powers. Play and love are indescribably wonderful. C’mon! What are you waiting for?!

IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE! RESOLVE LIMITING BELIEFS THAT HAVE YOU RUNNING RAGGED AND HEAL WHAT’S KEEPING YOU STUCK.

NEXT STEP: Grab a spot on my calendar. Get off your sidelines and click the link! Let’s talk about whether coaching with me at this point in your life will help you.