I SOBERED UP SUCCESSFULLY BY MOVING AWAY FOR A WHILE

I walked away from a great job, cute apartment, best friends, family, and my party stomping grounds. I left Houston to sober up in treatment. They recommended a halfway house. I just wanted to learn how not to want to drink.

I didn’t know I was actually moving away for a while. I was not “pulling a geographic” this time.

I stayed away from my hometown for two and a half years – best move ever. Southern California in the late 80s was the perfect place for me to start my life in 12-step recovery. I knew no one (except my sober brother in LA). No one cared about who I was or where I came from. My private education and college degree did not impress anyone. Everyone I met and shared sobriety with had their own story – and I started to piece mine together, too.

Having come directly from a very nice treatment center in Tucson, I arrived at the airport in Orange County. When the gal driving the green and white van called my name, I kind of freaked out (inside). I was a privileged girl who did not appear to be getting on the right bus. Things weren’t as nice as the treatment center, and this would be a much longer stay. What in the hell had I done?

There were heroin addicts and former prostitutes. There were alcoholics, drug addicts, codependents, and girls who acted out and self-harmed in various ways. Turns out I was on the right bus. I belonged there.

When I shared about my life in the halfway house peer group, I started to feel like I fit in (a new feeling for me). My story shocked and surprised a few. I think they assumed that my story would match my appearance (it did not). Details of all our histories varied, but our stories resonated with each other.

I had a big blind spot around privilege. I showed up judging others and acting entitled, without understanding how that impacted people. At one point early on, my feelings were hurt when the entire group said, “You couldn’t even make it on the street!” I was shocked they would say that. I felt rejected by the very people I was judging, and I just wanted to go home… (A good example of how shame and low self-esteem behave.)

Turns out, my peers at the halfway house saved my life. They leveled me and shattered my privileged ego! Thanks to them, I got the same as (vs being better than or less than). We were kindred spirits.

Having lived a kind of double life of an addict who looked well-raised and functioned at work, there was still part of me who liked hanging out with people who weren’t good for me. I could easily shift into bad ass thinking even though I was no longer drinking.

It was thin line to walk, because a few halfway house friends hadn’t surrendered to their disease yet. My buddy Mark G. died of a heroin overdose, and my pal Karen walked out of the halfway house on-foot and empty-handed. I can only imagine where her addiction took her.

I learned so much in that halfway house. Décor didn’t matter – the people did. Our therapist Sharon H. and house manager Blake R. mattered. So did my recovery friends. Structure and routine did. The expectations of how residents behaved at the house did. I got as much out of being there as I put into it: everything. I graduated with my coin at six months sober.

The combination of living in this haven while sobering up + starting my family or origin work was a huge blessing. I credit this experience as THE SOLUTION for me. I am so grateful I chose to immerse myself in recovery (12-step sobriety + family of origin work).

From there, I rented a room on the Balboa Peninsula in Newport Beach. I watched sunsets on the roof. I had never felt so clear-headed and healthy in my life. My daily routine was two meetings a day (three on Sundays), service work, three meals, exercise, eight hours of work with a one-hour lunch break, and eight hours of sleep. Rinse and repeat.

The simplicity of a 12-step program revolutionized my life! Discipline and accountability became my rails.

I loved Southern California AA and followed directions. I had sober fun, healed physically, and emotional pain surfaced. I wasn’t drinking or drugging, lots of stuff came up – all kinds of feelings, memories, consequences, hot buttons, and other numbing/buffering/avoiding behaviors – that I got to work through. It wasn’t fun, yet it was emancipating!

For those of you in early 12-step recovery, I offer you hope. It gets better, step by step, day by day, year after year. We use this design for living that works if we work it, and we learn to live life on life’s terms.

Recovery was (is) my number one priority, no matter what. I have worked through shame, regret, broken relationships, intense deep feelings (including rage), and painful memories. Recovery has helped me own my stuff, forgive myself, forgive others, and start behaving with self-respect. I am grateful beyond words for my 28 days in addiction treatment and then living in the halfway house for four and a half months.

If you are a professional, successful woman in 12-step recovery and want to create this kind of energy and connection in your life, book a call and let’s talk.