HOW TO RECOGNIZE A TRIGGER AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
It usually starts with me being clumsy. I’ll drop a Q-tip, trip over my slipper, or spill hot coffee.
My reaction unfolds as the klutziness progresses. Soon, I experience a mix of frustration and laughter (thinking surely this will pass). As the fumbling persists, levity is eclipsed by my inner critic starting in, “What is wrong with you?”
Two weeks ago, this started happening. I hadn’t woken up my usual happy and perky self. (I am one of those lucky people who wakes up singing and happy to raise the shades on the day before me.)
Anyway, I was running late to my regular workout and became very impatient. I honked (three times) at a car that wasn’t turning left fast enough for me.
Ashamed and worried I’d see the driver in the parking lot, I drove past it and skipped my workout. After a few errands, I showed up at the doctor's right on time… the day before my scheduled appointment. Next, I googled, “Is Mercury in retrograde?”
Not only was it not, no planets were. “Well, I AM. What is up with me?!” More mean self-talk and cussing ensued. Things felt bulky and hard. Here’s the deal:
I DON’T ALWAYS KNOW I’M TRIGGERED RIGHT AWAY. IT CAN TAKE A WHILE FOR WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON TO SURFACE.
That particular day, I just started over with a shower and change of clothes… but my emotions were in my throat and feelings on my sleeve…
I was a raw dog and didn’t know why (that’s a lie).
Actually I sort of suspected that I was triggered – but didn’t want to admit it. Nope, not me. I wanted to go back to the moment before the trigger when all was just fine and I was blissfully happy.
The next few weeks, I did fine, had some fun, connected with friends, worked, and did the best I could with the feeling of molasses running through my system. I continued to procrastinate on key projects. I didn’t feel motivated and certainly not inspired to do things I usually love doing – like blogging!
I will admit right here in public:
My thoughts get a little wonky when I’m triggered and don’t know it – such as I should just shut down, buy something (like a vacation rental property), or make a big change (like cut my hair or quit my job).
“Danger, Will Robinson.” Something is up with me.
Hallelujah! At that point, I started to recognize I was definitely triggered. Even still, the week was a tough one, because I was still triggered. I was just recognizing that I was… Now, what to do about it?
Blogging is a full-body sport. When I write, I dig deep, use my story and trauma, tap into my gut, open my heart, reveal vulnerabilities, and highlight difficult or shameful times in my life. I use my journey from darkness to light. I offer hope, ways to heal, and a safe environment in which to do your work.
For several days, however, I kept starting my blog over. I wanted this to be a light week – nothing too heavy. (That is also a signal that I’m avoiding something, trying to stuff something down.) I wrote the equivalent of three blogs but didn’t finish any and continued to get more and more uncomfortable…
Hmmm, I love blogging and deep diving and healing – and, of course, I’m always hopeful that my words land with you when you most need to hear the message.
But this week, I wrote, rewrote, started over, avoided, procrastinated, cried, and revisited a few old habits like mindless TV and late-night chocolate. I felt queasy and thought I was coming down with something. I didn’t sleep well or nearly enough.
“All right, Laura, what’s up?” I asked myself with some disappointment and frustration. “C’mon. Get this done so we can move on,” I added tersely. And then I wanted it all to stop. Not funny. Need help!
GRATEFUL FOR MY WILLINGNESS TO USE MY RECOVERY TOOLS WHEN I’M STUCK, I TEXTED A FRIEND TO PLEASE CALL, WHICH (FOR US) IS CODE FOR I NEED YOUR HELP!
I tell her I am a zombie, numb, blah, flat. I talk and talk, emptying my thoughts into the phone line as she listens. Just when I wind down and think I am ready for her to talk, I start up again. Talking turns to tears as I get down to what is really going on. It pours out. My dear friend is still listening…
I had been blogging about the traits we adult children of alcoholics have in common. That segued to a betrayal in childhood. And that led me to unfaithful ex-husband trauma and hurt. Why now? It’s been 26 years since I divorced him.
Here’s what happened: Something current triggered something from my past. This one was a big, deep, painful, scary trigger. Before I recognized it (or was willing to really look at it), I was swimming in the black hole and projecting back then onto right now.
I seized the moment and processed this painful memory. My friend helped me make sense of things and move past them (all without involving or hurting anyone else).
As much as it sucks to be deeply triggered, it’s a giant opportunity to heal. THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF!
We want the tears and guts and truth.
Had I let myself stay stuck, I was prepared to just skip my blog this week … WHAT?! As my friend said, “Laura, that’s against your own integrity.” That is so true.
Thankfully, I value myself and my purpose too much. I know what breaking through blocks, resolving painful memories and negative thoughts, and healing all that old stuff does for me and those around me. It works; it frees me, and it helps you!
Some of you will think I should have already healed something from 26 years ago. But that’s not really how it works. I heal what comes up when it comes up. My opportunities to heal the unhealed parts of me include engaging in life, interacting with others, taking risks with my creativity, opening my heart, and being vulnerable.
I am done skipping out on my one life for fear that I’ll get triggered.
Bring it on.
Listen to your body, and your thoughts – notice your behavior and mood. Be present enough to sense that you’re avoiding something, procrastinating, or struggling through a typically effortless activity. These can all be indications that something current is triggering something from your past.
The more healing you do, the better you’ll get at recognizing the early warning signs that you are triggered. You’ll continue learning to manage your reactions – and to process safely with a trusted confidante. Rather than taking those emotions and reactions out on anyone else, you’ll be more likely to contact a trusted someone or remove yourself from the situation until you process the real issue. Then that wound will heal up.
Today is not 26 years ago. I am safe, sound, onboard, present, self-loving, worthy, valued, useful, and a child of God. What an amazing way to be, live, believe, and trust. What a beautiful place from which to love myself and others.
When I finished processing this trigger on the phone, I fell sound asleep for an hour. I woke up refreshed, energetic, and light – and my words poured onto the page like they usually do when I am clear and available for God to use me for good.
I am so very grateful for being present, current, and my willingness to move through this trigger – this work works! I don’t stay stuck (and you don’t have to either) for long.
If you want to process triggers (that are undoubtedly there, even if you’re unaware), move through painful memories, resolve negative thoughts, and break through limiting beliefs – grab an opening on my calendar. Let’s talk about what’s going on and where you wish you were right now.
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