HOW TO FAIL WITHOUT BELIEVING YOU’RE A LOSER

To put this in context... I grew up believing that failing would make me a loser - the kind of loser that gets shamed, ostracized and treated less than other people. I know this may sound dramatic. But it's the story I made up, and its roots are from childhood (like so many old messages we get to resolve as adults).

Making a mistake is failing to do something perfectly the first time. Failing is failing. Failures are losers.

Fast forward to my late 50s. I was professionally successful with an excellent track record and reputation. As planned, I retired from my nonprofit work and turned my purpose and passion business from part-time into full-time -- helping, coaching, consulting, mentoring, teaching, and guiding women. I love it! I'm so grateful to be living in my authentic success using my superpower!

Fast forward again. These past few months I've been working on updating the business brand and messaging to land with women ready to do their transformational work. I'm also doing more free stuff! I've missed connecting with you weekly and I am back ----- with truth, vulnerability and lots of solution!

Something has been holding me back from going live on (any) camera. I've wanted to invite you to my Facebook Group, which I created in MARCH. It's now nearly NOVEMBER. Clearly, I've been seriously blocked.

It's not for lack of stories and messages that I KNOW will help you. I have lots to share with you!

All I know is that I have always HATED to fail. In fact, I avoided even saying the 4-letter word. I believed that I would be a loser if I failed. This limiting belief was vibrating inside and fueling me in unhelpful and unhealthy ways.

When I posted six weeks ago that my next blog would be about failure, I had no clue what I was in for.

I am revealing the root of the debilitating belief: IT IS NOT OKAY FOR ME TO FAIL.

FEAR OF FAILURE manifests like this: procrastination, not starting/launching, avoidance, dreaming without doing, judging myself harshly, and settling with mediocre instead of extraordinary. The list goes on and on.

Why would a smart, well-educated, socialized, likable, ambitious, intentionally successful woman like me be doing those things?

IT MAKES NO SENSE, EXCEPT IT REALLY DOES.

My close friend returned my call the other day. She literally had seven minutes to get from where she was in her car to a Zoom meeting. She had not checked my voicemail before calling me. I answered and she asked how I was doing. Because I didn’t answer with “I’m fine. You?” – this is what happened.

LAURA: I am anxious this morning. I think it’s all about work – I’m waiting on my new photos and about to launch my new site. There are so many parts and pieces, technology included. I am learning a lot. Thank God for Jane who’s helping me. But I’m basically putting myself out there with more clarity about my message. But I’m afraid to finish and start. What if I flip the switch and it doesn’t all work right? Even though no one will be watching (until I invite them to), I am terrified of it not doing right.

FRIEND: “What’s your father saying to you right now?" (It was a stealth question and straight to childhood messages.)

LAURA: I had to be perfect. Do everything perfectly. It’s literally not an option for me to not do it perfectly – it all needs to go right when I flip the switch.

FRIEND: “Right, your dad raised you to think you had to be perfect…”

LAURA: OMG! It's not what he said to me about being perfect. It’s how he treated others. I’m choking up. My body is in total truth response. He judged everyone who was less than perfect so harshly that it hurts to think about it. To him, they failed. I saw him then treat people like losers. I hate when people say I have to fail to be successful. I can't fail. It's not an option. I would not be able to stand being treated like a loser.

(I was actually thinking that I’d rather die but didn’t want to alarm my friend.) Her time was up. I assured her that she had – in under seven minutes – helped me pulverize a horribly deep limiting belief (and that I would hang up from her, cry, process and be free). I was (AM) so grateful!

Afterward, I wrote the following to myself:

I operated my life as if these statements were true (they are not).

• Mistakes = less than flawless = not perfect.
• Not perfect = failure = loser.
• Once a loser = always a loser.
• No redemption.
• No coming back from being a loser.
• Forever a loser.
• Losers amount to nothing and are treated as such.
• If I am treated like a loser, I will literally blow up (like a bomb going off inside me) or kill myself.
• I could not stand it.
• I will be a perfectionist, at all costs.
• Even if that means doing nothing until I can do it perfectly.
• Or never doing it if I cannot.
• Better to get ready to get ready, not launch, procrastinate, do nothing.
• Or I’ll do what I have to do for it to be perfect even if it hurts me, my health, or my relationships.

Since allowing this to the surface, feeling it, and letting it go through me (instead of avoiding or stuffing it) – my creativity, courage, self-esteem, and excitement to launch have been palpable! I don’t want to sleep! My decision-making, completing tasks, and checking the boxes have completely ramped up. I will make my launch goal and feel great! I got this.

It may not go perfectly. If you don’t happen to detect any glitches, you can count on me to share with you when it’s over – including how I did with my thoughts and feelings around being perfectly imperfect and doing something less than flawlessly.

EASTON INSIGHT  |  I had this OMG! moment when this awful and long-held limiting belief shattered because I was (am) practicing my non-negotiable self-care routine and connected with my friend who knows me so well. (If I had been shut down and in work addiction mode, I would never have felt it and I would NOT be doing it.)

I’ve had a number of OMG! moments and – thinking back – it’s when I am embracing my success through non-negotiable self-care and meaningful connection. From there, I can live in my authentic success.

I invite you to check out my new website lauraeaston.CO and share with anyone you think would benefit from my blog posts (and other free stuff)!

I'm super happy and excited you're with me as we launch this site without being perfect!