HOW TO CROSS THE LINE FROM UNWORTHY TO WORTHY

These days we could all use some emotional and mental support. The chaos in the world is palpable – and we’re having visceral reactions to it.

THE SILVER LINING OF OUR NEW (VERY STRESSFUL) ENVIRONMENT IS THAT IT’S 100% ACCEPTABLE TO GET HELP (IN EVERY AREA OF OUR LIVES).

I’ll admit that I need connection and belonging, to be seen and heard, to be important to someone else – for someone to know how I (really) am today. Honestly, I’m not sure how to thrive without people I trust.

The thought of thriving in life, love, family, finances, spirituality, work, and play was unknown to me. I literally could not imagine a picture of me with a full life pie chart. (I overdeveloped my work and family and truly believed I would NEVER have love or comfortably be able to play.)

I’ve shifted my thoughts from “I’m unworthy, don’t belong, and will never have love” to “I deserve to thrive in every area of my life!”

I’VE CROSSED THE LINE. HERE’S HOW.

With an undeniably strong foundation of personal and professional growth, productivity, and successes through recovery, faith, higher education, trainings, certifications, career advancement, and life experiences – it was working with a certified life coach that I ultimately crossed the line from thinking I was unworthy to absolutely knowing I am worthy.

I first hired a professional and certified life coach when I was ready to make a big change in my life – in this case, it had to do with retiring from one career and risking what would be my next chapter.

I WANTED A TRUSTWORTHY, QUALIFIED, AND LIKEABLE PROFESSIONAL TO HELP ME THINK THROUGH MY PLAN AND WORK THROUGH THE FEAR, ANGER, AND JUDGMENTAL SELF-TALK THAT WAS HOLDING ME BACK.

Through coaching, I learned a super effective and efficient way of working through something using thought work. Known as The Model*, it’s been highly successful for me and the women with whom I work.

THOUGHT WORK – THE MODEL

*The concept I describe and use below was originally developed by Dr. Martha Beck, whose Wayfinder Life Coach Training program I trained and certified in. Brooke Castillo, who also trained under Beck and trains coaches, further developed this into The Model and uses the CTFAR language.

Write down your factual, irrefutable Circumstance. Now identify (and write down) the Thought you’re having about the circumstance. Notice your Feelings that come up when you’re thinking that Thought about the Circumstance. Now recognize the Actions you’re taking (or not taking) that are stemming from the Feelings that came from having a Thought about the Circumstance. Is the Result what you want?

If it is not, change the Result to what you do want and go backward through The Model. This is best as a written exercise – especially when you’re trying to change your Result!

Now list Actions that will give you the desired Result. What Feelings do you want to have that will motivate you to take those Actions? What Thought will you have that will produce Feelings that motivate your Actions (behaviors)?

SIMPLE, THOUGH NOT ALWAYS EASY… I USE IT ALL THE TIME TO SELF-COACH (I USED IT THIS MORNING), AND I COACH MY CLIENTS WITH IT.

Let’s take a pretty easy one and go through it together:

• Circumstance: We are going out to eat tonight.
• Thought: If I let him be in charge, go where he wants to go, and stay agreeable – he’ll be nicer to the wait staff and me, and we won’t fight.
• Feeling: Afraid, frustrated, irritable.
• Action: I went along with his choice to eat sushi (again) without speaking up for what I wanted.
• Result: I’m resentful and kind of want to punish him.

Or how does this model sound:

• C: We are going out to eat tonight.
• T: I want a grilled steak.
• F: Fear, determination.
• A: I shared with him that I’d like to pick a great steakhouse together.
• R: We went to a steakhouse where we both enjoyed our dinner (and didn’t fight).

To get the Result, you must take Action. To set yourself up to take the action (without kicking and screaming), change your Thought and get clear on how you want to feel. You will make it happen.

Before this model, I thought feelings drove thoughts. Wrong! Thoughts about a factual circumstance drive feelings which drive actions and behavior. Follow this model and you’ll get predictable results.

Even after years of all the self-help I could consume, it was life coaching that helped jettison me forward by helping me resolve limiting beliefs and negative thoughts. I successfully made my big life change and can say that my life pie chart is gorgeous! I’m living a life I never before could even imagine!

If your inner dialogue is noisy, and your faint little voice of self-doubt, unworthiness and low self-esteem are tuning up as you read this – you can quiet those thoughts. You can have peace and joy.

MY GREATEST GIFT (ASIDE FROM AN HOUR OF FREE COACHING) IS THIS: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH AND NO LONGER HAVE TO FEEL UNWORTHY.

If you’re ready to reclaim your confidence, worthiness, self-esteem and the life you dream of, let's talk! 

I invite you to bring all of you – your hurts and heart, your skepticism and disappointment, fear and shame. Click here to easily book a planning session with me that can change your life! This confidential time is all for you (which you deserve and costs you nothing). I look forward to offering you hope, direction and opportunity during our meaningful time together!