GIFTS OF HEALING TRAUMA – PEACE, TIME FOR SELF-CARE, AVAILABILITY AND LOVE
If you’ve ever been in a shame spiral, you know it sucks – and that it came from somewhere. Then you realize that you need to deal with it, somehow.
During a raw period in my life, I felt swallowed up by shame, fear, and rage. I had been triggered by gaslighting and betrayal in my marriage, which dug up some unhealed, toxic childhood messages and other traumas.
The combination was a one-two punch that could’ve flattened me. Circa 1996, I went onto the flight, fight, and freeze – all at once! Self-protection kicked in.
BECAUSE OF MY RECOVERY, I KNEW THAT IF I DID THE HEALING WORK, I’D BE OKAY BUT – DANG – I WAS IN FOR A VERY TURBULENT RIDE.
Rage bubbled just below my surface. I was short-fused and highly reactive. To stuff feelings, flashbacks, and painful thoughts, I binged on TV, food, and work. I hibernated and was socially isolated.
I disconnected from my body and spirit – and found comfort in my mind and at work. I jumped into a new career I was passionate about where I was steeped in addiction recovery and learned from the masters about trauma, betrayal bonds, and codependency.
While pursuing and advancing my career, I also worked my heart out in therapy and healing – and eventually got my master’s degree in social work. For years post-divorce, I stayed busy. So busy. Too busy… And I stayed sober and in recovery. Thank God!
Staying personally guarded, I worked more and more hours with increased drive and intensity. I went on autopilot – incessantly productive, serious, and goal-oriented. My team and I enjoyed lots of success (as I also did in graduate school), which was intoxicating for me.
I WAS RUNNING FROM MYSELF WHILE HEALING – AND I WANTED MORE OF ANYTHING THAT KEPT ME NUMB.
Of course, those go-to avoidant behaviors don’t work. Part of my healing work became dealing with the unintended consequences of my choices around self-neglect.
Today, I’m vulnerable, conscious, emotionally available, free from trauma, and relational. Here’s how:
I healed my deepest wounds.
Breaking free of betrayal bonds and healing trauma gifted me with the ability to emotionally, mindfully and physically slow down. I spent sacred time developing a relationship with me.
With self-compassion and the courage to be vulnerable, I became available for myself – and eventually others.
And I laid down one addiction after the next. I did whatever it took to heal my brain, body, spirit, and soul. I’ve benefitted from inpatient treatment, living in a halfway house, 12-step programs, individual psychotherapy, EMDR, somatic experiencing, chiropractic and energy healing, and individual and group deep dive coaching. I still benefit from bodywork, thought work, and meet whatever comes up with compassion and vulnerability.
AS I HEALED FROM TRAUMA, REACTIVITY MELTED AND RELEASED ME. MY NERVOUS SYSTEM CALMED DOWN.
My shift from powerlessness and fear-driven reactivity to conscious decision-making was astonishing. The world kept going, while I kept getting better, stronger, and kinder to myself and others.
Admittedly I was still spending too much of my energy on my professional work and recognized it was time to move on. Retiring from my 30-year career brought another layer of healing and freedom for me! I was bursting with excitement to move full-time into my true calling – what I’ve always known is my purpose: to share my story and help other women heal and soar.
I wanted to find peace and relax from stress build-up. It took time for my mind, body, soul, and spirit to relax and gently align. I was so used to flying fast, skimming the surface, producing, and succeeding. While I carved out the time to slow down, do nothing, focus on one thing at a time, and enjoy my creativity (still in my pajamas) – I admit it wasn’t easy or comfortable to really slow down. It felt like my guts were downshifting from 4th to 1st gear!
I took the golden opportunity to resolve a limiting belief that drove me: If I ever stop, I’ll never start again.
Rain or shine – these days I spend time in self-care, solitude, and spiritual practice – and enjoying family, friends, and what makes me happy. Full of joy and gratitude, I connect deeply with people special to me. And I love coaching other women to heal, breakthrough, resolve old beliefs and negative thoughts, and make significant shifts and transitions!
Healing has made way for the gifts of time, peace, and love. Being available and engaged in my life is indescribably beautiful – and spiritually delicious!
YOUR turn! Start or restart your healing and take time for yourself. Stop avoiding, stuffing, numbing, or being too busy for you and what matters most.
For years, I kept myself busy so I wouldn’t have to deal with myself. My operating system was fueled by fear.
Triggered and reactive, I avoided connection, vulnerability and intimacy – until I dedicated myself to healing like I had committed to my career.
You can do the work to heal and shift your priorities all while you continue working (inside or outside the home). Life keeps moving – just be sure you’re on your own bus! Carve out the time for yourself.
Many successful women prefer to have a trusted confidante, licensed master social worker, and certified Wayfinder life coach to help them on their path. I’m here to help you. A free and glorious life is available to you the moment you commit to healing.
If you’re ready to BE BLOWN AWAY by what’s on the other side of healing, grab a spot on my calendar. I look forward to hearing about where you are and where you want to be. Let’s do brave, meaningful, and healing work together.
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